Obtaining freedom from rumination on past wrongs (as victim or perpetrator)
One of the ego’s self-defeating methods of protection is to fixate on wrongs from the past, whether it was something we did to someone else or something that someone else did to us. Rumination is when we replay it over and over in our minds, along with all of our assumptions about it. Since it doesn’t lead to resolution or solutions, we’re really just pointlessly torturing ourselves. It’s a state of mind that lowers our vibration and contributes to attitudes and behaviors that brings more suffering into our lives. Even when we know all of this, it’s still very easy to get trapped in this state.
What I’ve heard recommended most for rumination is to use mindfulness and meditative techniques, which are certainly useful. My own experience, however, is that when my imagination wants to fixate, convincing it to sit still is like trying to wrestle an arena full of bulls into submission. It’s not terribly effective for me, so I developed a different technique in which I stop trying to control my imagination and urge to obsess. The change is that I let my soul determine the direction instead my ego’s fear.
I imagine a moment in the future when this incarnation is done and I’m gathering with souls that I interacted with during this lifetime. Since this incarnation is just a role our soul is playing for a short time, I think this reunion I’m imagining as a cast party. This is especially useful if you’ve ever been to a cast party. After the last showing for a production of any kind is over, all the cast and crew get together for a party. All the pressure is gone and it’s time to simply celebrate success. Even adverse events and mistakes that felt negative in the moment of occurrence are now “remember when” stories to laugh about together. Those who played villains in the story congratulated for their successful performance with as much appreciation and warmth as the those who played heroes, sometimes moreso. Any “harm” acted out by one character toward another was just part of the script and has no effect on the genuine relationship the two actors have with one another. They were on the same team and shared the same goal for everything that took place on stage.
Whatever situation I was ruminating about, those are the same souls with me at the cast party I’m imagining. I see someone who wronged me and now I remember that this is someone in my soul family, that I asked them to play this role in my life because they’re the only person I trusted enough to do it. Now they’re apologizing to me for how their incarnation hurt mine, and I’m laughing. “Are you kidding?!” I say. “I’m so relieved it was you! I learned so much from that and now that I remember who you are and that I asked you to do this, how could I possibly be upset with you? It worked exactly how I hoped it would! I know living that life as the person who would do that to someone was really hard on you, so I’m grateful that you were willing to do that for me.”
If the past memory was about a way that I wronged someone else, I imagine a similar scenario, just in reverse. The person I wronged is forgiving me and thanking me while I’m remembering that I agreed to play that role in their life as an act of love. I also remember how I used the lesson from my mistake to become a better person so I wouldn’t hurt others in the same way. I focus on how all the souls involved created the plan together and imagine us all congratulating each other on how successfully we implemented our plan. I focus on how good we feel about ourselves and each other.
Remember, this is the future, so whatever the present situation is for and between me and the other person, when I’m imagining the future scenario, I can “remember” anything I want about the incarnation. If I or the other person haven’t yet used the experience to grow and improve, I simply include a “memory” in my scenario that improvement is what eventually happened during the incarnation. I imagine ways that I, they, and even our relationship became better off as a result of the past event. I use whatever level of detail is appropriate for the situation depending on whether or not the other person is still part of my life and to whatever degree. Any good things I’m presently hoping for, I incorporate those into my vision of the future. Now I’m practicing manifestation in addition to resolving rumination, which is even better!
I do NOT include anything negative or vengeful in this aspect of the scenario. This is crucial! Remember, the goal here is to see the other person’s soul from the perspective of our soul and to realize that our incarnations are simply playing out the plans that our souls created together in order to have the experiences necessary to achieve the specific development we desired. Our souls have no reason to wish negative experiences on someone who has only done what we asked them to do and who did so out of love. If I imagine anything that could be described as “that person getting the karma they deserve,” then control of the situation is slipping to my ego instead of my soul. That lowers my vibration and pushes me back in the direction of the negative rumination that I want to resolve.
I only imagine the events and dialogue that generate feelings of love toward myself and the other people involved. It takes a little time to develop the scenario to the point that it pushes the past event out of mind and for the positive emotions associated with it to stabilize. Any time my thoughts drift in a negative direction, I just refocus on my scenario. If negative feelings are particularly persistent, I use ego-soothing techniques to quiet the thoughts/fears that repeatedly rise up, which makes it easier to maintain my focus on my scenario. I fixate on that beautiful scenario just as hard as I had been fixating on the past event with all the same vivid detail. Instead of trying to fight or control my obsessive thoughts and feelings, I’m now using it to benefit me instead of hurt me. Every time that past memory comes up in my mind, I consciously decide to think about my imagined cast party scenario instead, adding new details that add to the joy, excitement, and fun of the event.
Because of the way our brains are wired, continuously reimagining this scenario will make it feel more real than the past event. The emotions associated it with it become stronger than those we felt in the past. Eventually, when the memory of the past event comes up, the mind will automatically jump to the scene and we’ll feel the emotions we’ve practiced rather than the emotions we felt when the past event occurred.
I encourage you to use anything that helps you bring the imagined scenario to life. If you’re a writer, write the scene with as much detail and description as possible, including dialogue. Reread it every time the past memory surfaces and develop it further if you like. If you’re a visual artist, use your preferred medium to illustrate the scene as you imagine it and concentrate on the positive emotions. If there’s a task that’s meditative for you, like a craft or cleaning, do that while experiencing the scenario in your mind. If the time when you’re trying to fall asleep is when you struggle most with rumination, don’t wait until then to practice your cast party scenario. Practice it during the day when you can do other things that reinforce it for you. Then its effect will be much stronger when you need to use it while lying in bed and you’ll fall asleep more easily.
You can also incorporate any senses that are strongly attached to memory for you. If scents bring up memories for you, pick one that you like and inhale it deeply while you are playing out the cast party scenario in your mind. After some practice, that scent will automatically trigger the positive associations you’ve cultivated. The same technique works for sound, touch, etc. The goal here is to consciously create positive triggers for ourselves and then use it whenever we need it.
The Cast Party Method (and all the permutations I’ve described) is incredibly freeing and it’s surprising how rapidly it starts working. Not only will it help you in the moment, but it will contribute to positive changes in your overall outlook and state of mind. Of course, the more practice and focus we put into this, the more effective it is and the faster it happens. Still, while we’re still caught in those painful past emotions, escape seems nearly impossible to the ego. The soul knows better. The reason this technique works so quickly is that when we open our heart and let our higher self take over, imagining the type of scene I’ve described will resonate deeply as truth. What we think we’re creating with our imagination is actually arising from events our soul has actually experienced before and remembers.
Opening our heart to feeling love for ourself and anyone else involved is the lynch pin that enables this technique to free us from rumination on past wrongs, as well as the associated resentment, bitterness, blame, guilt, shame, or self-recrimination.